Photo by Mike Ditz

   Bruce Campbell has acted in some of the world’s most revered cult classics and television shows. Try and bump into a college student who doesn’t know what Army of Darkness is. Bruce is a talented director and a witty, insightful writer. From Evil Dead to Disney, Bruce Campbell has done it all. I recently got a chance to speak with Bruce about what he’s been up to lately from harassing the Bureau of Land Management to mowing the backyard…

Bob K. – Bruce, your book, ‘If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B-Movie Actor’ was a New York Times Bestseller. Last summer, I read it from glorious back to front on the beach in Maine. I hear your next writing project is called, ‘How to Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way’. What can we expect? Will there be diagrams?

Bruce Campbell – You can expect a very silly book that doesn’t have much to do with reality. It’s a humor book, a gag look at relationships and relationship books.

Bob K. – That sounds like fun.

Bruce Campbell – Yeah, there’s too many of those damn things.

Bob K. – Speaking of making love the Bruce Campbell way, I think most guys have tried that, “Gimme some sugar, baby” line at least once in their lives. Some with more success than others, I’m sure. Any comments to all your fans with slapped faces for that one?

Bruce Campbell – Um…no, it works! There’s a guy I met at a book signing last year who had “Gimme some sugar, baby” translated into Mandarin Chinese because he worked in Beijing China, and he went into a nightclub and used it on a chick and got laid. All I know is it’s got powerful mojo.

Bob K. – (Laughing) Excellent, I’ll have to try it again then. I guess I just failed last time.

Bruce Campbell – Yeah, exactly, it was all in the delivery.

Bob K. - If at first you don't succeed...

Bruce Campbell - Timing musta sucked. It’s not the line, it’s the delivery.

Bob K. – Do you ever say it to your wife, or would you end up with a red cheek like the rest of us?

Bruce Campbell – Hey, I don’t need lame pickup lines to get my wife into bed.

Bob K. – You live in Oregon, right?

Bruce Campbell – Yeah, and that’s how I can tell you’re not from here, by the way you pronounced it. You pronounced it in three syllables, “Or-eh-gone”.

Bob K. - How do you say it?

Bruce Campbell – It’s, “Oreegin”.

Bob K. – Oreegin?

Bruce Campbell – Yeah, a little more “Eeee”, and it’s all one thing, “Oreegin”.

Bob K. – Okay, so you live in “Oreegin”?

Bruce Campbell – Yep, very good!

Bob K. – And you’re a pretty outdoorsy fella, right?

Bruce Campbell – I am, I’m sitting outdoors right now.

Bob K. – So what’s your favorite outdoor activity?

Bruce Campbell – Tormenting the Bureau of Land Management. They administer hundreds of millions of acres here in the U.S. And they surround my property on three sides. So, I’ve got government land on three sides.

Bob K. – So you’ve been working pretty diligently on a documentary about land stewardship with your wife. What’s the main goal of such an endeavor, and is there a realistic solution?

Bruce Campbell – Well, you know what it is, I don’t take any sides. There’s no good guy or bad guy in the fight to find out what good land stewardship is. What we’re gonna do is present an issue and cover all sides so there’s a fair discussion, so we break down the clichés of environmentalists and loggers…it’s all bologna. It is! What’s at stake is a discussion of how best to take care of public land that’s paid for by you and me. It’s a huge issue. I shot fifty-five hours of footage and I got it down to about nine hours right now…I’ve gotta get it down to two.

Bob K. – When do you think you’re gonna be releasing it, and how are we gonna get a hold of it?

Bruce Campbell – I have no idea. I mean, this is a serious topic. It’s not like Attack of the Chainsaw Revenge Killers. So, it’ll have to be marketed in a different way. Um, I dunno. I just took a flier because it was a topic that interested me, so it’s not really designed for…if nothing else it’ll make hell of an education piece for senators. I’m not really worried about it.

Bob K. – Did you know Evil Dead message boards are talking about it? How’d you pull that off?

Bruce Campbell – (Snorts) I don’t know. I mean, I hope they do talk about it. People should talk about what we should do with the uninhabited lands of our country. You know? How much, how little, where, when, how?

Bob K. – When I’m camping in the woods I usually tell my friends a scary story, but when I head back to the tent I’m the one looking over my shoulder. After living the Evil Dead legacy for over twenty years, can you go camping in the woods without freaking yourself out?

Bruce Campbell – (Laughs) The only thing that scares me in the woods are people. You know, because, again, I have government land all over here and there’s people who’re squatters, and mushroom hunters, and a lot of bizarre characters are floating around here.

Bob K. – Any ‘Deliverance’ people?

Bruce Campbell – Um…there might be a little inbreeding around here. But, you know, a little inbreeding goes a long way. It’s important just to keep it in the family, though, I say.

Bob K. – What would you think of a person who sits down and tells the entire Evil Dead Trilogy as a campfire story?

Bruce Campbell – (Chuckles) I’d say they probably have a little too much time on their hands. You know, look for a different day job.

Bob K. – You’ve done some movies that might be considered a guilty pleasure for some. Crimewave might be considered a good example if we could ever get our hands on it.

Bruce Campbell – Crimewave, sure! It would be a guilty pleasure if you could ever find the goddamned thing. Uh, Charter Home Entertainment had it last you could try to look it up somewhere, I dunno.

Bob K. - Maybe E-Bay, or something?

Bruce Campbell – E-Bay! Definitely E-Bay.

Bob K. - Heck, I’ll bet we can probably find locks of your hair and pieces of the cabin on E-Bay.

Bruce Campbell – No, what’s even better is that this is one of the Coen Brother’s first writing assignments. You know, they wrote this damn thing. You’ll never see it on their resume! And that’s why you should see it, because everyone has early works, everyone has embryonic work.

Bob K. – But they deny it sometimes.

Bruce Campbell – Which they should not because you’ve gotta come from somewhere, right?

Bob K. – Absolutely. So what’s your all time favorite guilty pleasure film? Sadly, mine’s Home Alone.

Bruce Campbell – Guilty pleasure? I like Russ Meyer movies. Yeah, give me big boobs any day, and I’m fine. He’s the master of big boobs.

Bob K. – I know you did a little voice acting in Darkman, which also has the greatest cameo and helicopter chase of all time, have you ever thought about voicing a cartoon?

Bruce Campbell – I’ve done some already!

Bob K. – Oh really, what have you done?

Bruce Campbell – Yeah, I did Tarzan for Disney; it was sort of their animated TV show. I’ve done five or six video games, and then a couple of shorts. I’ve done a bunch of animated stuff now. I just did…I was a teenage robot…you know, for various shows on TV. So, it’s been a slow evolution.

Bob K. – So now I’m the shmuck for asking the question, right?

Bruce Campbell – That’s right.

Bob K. – When I was little, Brisco County was my favorite hero. My mom had to keep track of the times for me because they were always changing and I never wanted to miss an episode. I remember wishing that I were cool enough to shoot down the barrel of another guy’s gun and look down the brim of that awesome hat. So, who was your favorite hero when you were a kid?

Bruce Campbell – Zorro. It was with Guy Williams, the same guy who starred on Lost in Space. Zorro was Walt Disney’s first live-action TV show, because normally, Disney didn’t do much live-action, it was all animation, and it was a very successful show. I watched it all the time and I ran around in Zorro pants with a cape and a sword.

Bob K. – How come we could never find Brisco County outfits?

Bruce Campbell – It’s too much of a cult show, really. It’s too obscure.

Bob K. – Is it going to be released on DVD soon, or what?

Bruce Campbell – The whole series has been released on VHS with live linear notes with each one. Hopefully, they’ll do a DVD because that’s kinda the way things work now. But, you know, companies will stay abreast of the times, as they will. Some companies are cutting edge, and other companies are like, well, we only do VHS. It’s Columbia House Video and people can always torment them and say, cough up DVD’s. Because if you had the DVD, what would be good is, the writers could do a commentary, the actors could do a commentary. You know, there’s so much crap that you can do, because with a cult show that’s what it’s for, you give ‘em the bells and whistles.

Bob K. – You once said that you have a little project you’d love to do for under 2 million dollars. What’s it about?

Bruce Campbell – It has sort of environmental themes. I’m not like a card-carrying environmentalist but weird things like urban growth and expansion kind of concerns me. So I have a project called City Limits. It’s a project where a developer gets kidnapped by a group of environmental eco-terrorists and they hold him for ransom. Either they kill the development or they kill the developer. They take him to a remote area in the desert where this developer, and all he knows his big city sensibility, he now has to wash his own clothes, he has to make his own food, he has to live kind of like the Ani-Sazis did in old ruins in Arizona.

Bob K. – So would you be in it, or what?

Bruce Campbell – Yeah, I’d be the developer. I’d be the asshole developer.

Bob K. – (Laughing) Awesome. Okay, these rapid-fire questions have been burning in the minds of college students everywhere. So they’re gonna come pretty fast. Are you ready?

Bruce Campbell – Yeah, I’m sure. Yeah.

Bob K. – Batman or Superman?

Bruce Campbell – None.

Bob K. – Spielberg or Scorsese?

Bruce Campbell – Uh, Scorsese, but Scorsese only in his element.

Bob K. – Animal House or Young Frankenstein?

Bruce Campbell – Young Frankenstein.

Bob K. - Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera?

Bruce Campbell – (quickly) Neither…with an exclamation point!

Bob K. – Hoo ah! Night of the Living Dead of Texas Chainsaw Massacre?

Bruce Campbell – Texas Chainsaw. But you know what, actually, to be fair, that’s a dead heat. That’s a tie. They’re both excellent low budget horror movies that were landmarks at their time. And you know what, tell your readers, neither of them is a guilty pleasure. Both of them are scarier than hell!

Bob K. - I agree. Led-Zeppelin or Pink Floyd?

Bruce Campbell – Uh, I didn’t do either. But you can add this, Enoch Light. He writes what I call, the whiptist music ever.

Bob K. – Whiptist?

Bruce Campbell – Yeah, he writes music that, like, Guy Lombardo and Lawrence Welk would say no to.

Bob K. – John Wayne or Clint Eastwood?

Bruce Campbell – Oh, John Wayne, no question about it. John Wayne, in his limited range, was still more than Mr. Squinty.

Bob K. – Okay, remember this is UMass. Red Sox or Yankees?

Bruce Campbell – Um…My vote would have to be the Detroit Tigers because I’m a Tiger’s fan. So I’d say neither.

Bob K. – Neither, so, the Detroit Tigers then?

Bruce Campbell – Yeah, because the Yankees…look, the Yankees are the dynasty team. They are the great age-old team. They are the ultimate baseball team. But, you know, it’s nothing money can’t buy. Steinbrenner, he’s a blowhard, let me tell ya. If I ponied up the kind of payroll that he has, hell yeah I’d have a team, but guess who got knocked out of the world series pretty damn quick last year? You know? They got eliminated outta the race. All I have to say, I have three words for ya, San – Antonio – Spurs.

Bob K. – San Antonio Spurs, got it.

Bruce Campbell – Yeah, I don’t give a shit, basically, about baseball. Basketball has ruined every other sport for me. The San Antonio Spurs has two gentlemen who took the title as they deserved.

Bob K. – Tan 1957 Chevy Bel Air or Tan 1973 Oldsmobile Delta 88 (Sam Raimi’s Car/Love-child)?

Bruce Campbell – Well, definitely, the 57 Chevy could beat the crap outta the 73 Olds even though Sam would probably invest millions of dollars to try and prepare it for battle. But he would fail simply because I know, from being there, that I watched a 57 Chevy run into a tree, and the tree took it a lot worse than the 57 Chevy.

Bob K. – You could probably just sabotage it yourself, right?

Bruce Campbell – I have and I will. He thinks it’s in a secret place, but I know where it is. I have foot soldiers that will do very nasty things to that car.

Bob K. – Simpsons or Seinfeld?

Bruce Campbell – Simpsons, no question about it. Little trivia for ya, I can make an entire meal in the last commercial break of the Simpsons, usually about 10 to 7.

Bob K. - Run DMC or Public Enemy?

Bruce Campbell – They can all bite my ass.

Bob K. – Alien or Predator?

Bruce Campbell – Oh wait, go back, rewind. You can add Dean Martin after that. Never mind running DMC, you can run Dean Martin…yeah.

Bob K. - Alien or Predator?

Bruce Campbell – Alien by a country mile…Alien by an Oreegin mile.

Bob K. – Campbell’s Soup or Progresso?

Bruce Campbell – Progresso…Progresso, definitely.

Bob K. – Over Campbell’s soup?!

Bruce Campbell – Even though it’s my namesake, I will go against my family name and declare Progresso the winner because there is less shit in it.

Bob K. – Evil Dead 4 or Crimewave 2?

Bruce Campbell – Crimewave 2. It would be a way better commentary!

Bob K. - Ash or John McClane?

Bruce Campbell – Who’s John McClane?

Bob K. – Die Hard.

Bruce Campbell – Ash, and I’ll tell you why. The storyline of Die Hard is written by a coward.

Bob K. – Written by a coward?

Bruce Campbell – Written by a coward, and I’ll tell you why. The guy who’s hiding in the air vents is an ex-L.A.P.D. officer. How afraid am I supposed to be? If he was a CPA who never even owned a gun, wouldn’t you be afraid now? And I told that to a Hollywood writer, a guy who wrote one of the Lethal Weapon movies…he thought I was crazy. He goes, “Well, how would he survive?” and I went, “That’s the point! Now I’m afraid!” I’m not afraid if he’s an ex-LA cop! I’m not afraid at all. Die Hard symbolizes the cowardice of Hollywood. Ash is the guy who’s no smarter than the garage mechanic down the street.

Bob K. – I'm with you, man. Alright, here’s the last one and you’re free. You’ve said that you mow your lawn like the rest of us-

Bruce Campbell – I have to mow it again on Saturday.

Bob K. – My dad’s got the John Deere L-110 riding mower. What kind of lawnmower you got?

Bruce Campbell – Well, I have a John Deere riding tractor that I use for big work like blading my driveway and stuff, I have, like, a real John Deere tractor, and then I have just a Sears Craftsmen for my riding lawnmower work. So I don’t have a John Deere for the riding lawnmower stuff, but I could kick your little Dad’s tractor’s ass over here…because I have a real John Deere!

Bob K. – So you’ve never done it with the chainsaw then?

Bruce Campbell – (Laughs) Not that I would tell you.

***

Keep up with everything Bruce at his official website:
www.bruce-campbell.com

-Bob Krzykowski is the Comics Editor for the UMass Daily Collegian
collegiancomics@yahoo.com

Click here for today's ELSIE HOOPER comic strip - http://www.elsiehooper.com/todaysserial.htm